Advice To My Younger Self...
Often I try and write to 'save' useful knowledge or ideas for later (of use to others), whilst other times I write to help understand my current situation better (mainly useful for me). In the process of thinking back at what advice I'd give my younger self (we're talking 16-19 here), there's probably lessons that apply to the future. Or so I hope.
This cuts close to the bone in parts.
Dan at 16-19, the bleak years
I was definitely a extremely shy, reserved and unconfident teenager. That goes for most I expect, but outwardly I felt that anxiety greatly affected my behaviour and my opportunities. I played things safe. I used to truant a lot in school too - I was unhappy and depressed, skipping school was a coping mechanism of sorts. I felt overwhelmed and particularly down some days and didn't want to face the world.
My grades suffered, but I guess a focus on creativity made that not matter too much (thanks design). I'd lie about being unwell and not attend school, spending the day flitting between pretending to be ill, procrastinating and doing college work (I wasn't skipping school because I didn't want to learn, I just couldn't face it).
I remember one day I woke up late and had to rush to school so I didn't miss an exam. As I was in a rush I didn't consider what to wear (I wore a short sleeve tee) so under my coat my arms showcased the fresh scars of self-harm. Although one of the monitors questioned it; I was able to wear my coat through the exam (phew). The sudden spoke fear at being ‘found out’ will stick with me for a long while. On top of being miserable I also tried to hide the fact I was so miserable.
The point is; this advice is tailored to me at that time. I can't spout generalised advice to myself without considering the type of person I was back then. Advice to my... type articles aren't new; but sometimes they feel like simplified points made to please every body.
This is some advice for me.
I’ll say it so you don’t have to; what IS this hideous illustration! It’s sooo weird…I don’t really like it but I was trying something “new” out and this was the result.
Get a motorbike
I was going to begin by writing about design, or believing that things would get better (which I obviously did to some degree because I'm here now, happy). But basically Dan...ask your dad to book you a C.B.T test as soon as possible and buy a motorbike.
Just buy a motorbike. As soon as you can. Being part of something 'edgy' and 'badass' will lift your confidence immensely and the 'cool' factor of having a motorbike (even if it would only be 125cc) would serve as a bit of a buffer against the parts of your life that suck. Motorbikes are a great form of meditation; being exposed to the elements gives you a different relationship with the machine. Plus it will be cheaper to get to uni and you'll save hundreds on bus fair.
I'm not sure what would have triggered me to want to ride a motorbike at that age. I was socially awkward and quite insulated. I certainly wasn't the type of person to get a backie on my friends moped...I didn't have true friends for the most part. But getting into motorbike 25 had a huge boost to my confidence and lifestyle, and I think the same would’ve been true at 17.
Passion projects aren't useless
This might actually come into play a little later in life, but I might as well plant the seed early. Passion projects aren't useless. They've made me a better creative (through trial and error), they've made me more confident (through having more work to show) and I feel quite strongly that this proof of personal creative expression has helped me land jobs. Dan, when you have an idea for a fun project (be it design, photography or writing), make a note of it and act on it. The measure of a true creative is that they create, right? Conversely no one becomes a published author without years of trying and failing at writing something brilliant.
Spend more wisely
Unless your confidence improves profoundly overnight...you're probably not going to get a job for a while. Your lack of confidence, anxiety about new social interactions and lack of belief make going for interviews a tough sell...so for goodness sakes spend a bit more wisely.
I remember we had 9 pairs of trainers at one point towards the end of uni. Why the fuck did we have 9 sets of trainers? And spend less on alcohol dude...you don't even like it that much. Just throw in some soft drinks now and again.
Thinking back; you could've saved a substantial percentage of your spending across these uni years. Whilst I know you weren't spending out of total ignorance, you certainly didn't appreciate money like I do now. Now I’ve learnt that it can be easy to save an extra grand over the year, by just adjusting a few little things.
Fucking believe in yourself (yep, the basic bitch advice is here).
You were a smart kid Dan. You're pretty kind and well meaning and you were getting great scores on your design coursework. So just trust that little by little you can conquer your demons. Try be a little bolder and confident each day. You grow into a confident, funny and well liked guy. You're pretty darn good at public speaking, and even enjoy it believe it or not.
Maybe even talk more honestly about your difficulties. I remember you used to try so hard to hide that you were unhappy and lonely; from your parents and others. Thinking back, it was a foolish fear but I remember it well. But I know it would have been the bravest thing in the world for me to talk about it back then.
Outro
So that was a little advice for my past self. Just a few points, but each would have been useful for me to hear back then. I guess the learning in this is don't allow history to repeat itself in the future. I guess the main one that is still relevant is to believe in yourself; everyone needs some self-belief now and then.
"It's not your job to tell yourself no". I can't remember where I first encountered this, but it's a great mantra for those who struggle with doubt, or for anyone at key decision making times. It's not your job to tell yourself no so go a head and take a shot.
